


The Sound of Gravel (against my beating heart)

by TreeDaddyD



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, F/F, Unrequited Love, vague drug mentions, well technically not but kinda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:01:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27907906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TreeDaddyD/pseuds/TreeDaddyD
Summary: She’s the love of your life and I’m going to leave soon. It’s only fair.
Relationships: Original Female Character/Original Female Character





	The Sound of Gravel (against my beating heart)

I smile, a moment too slow. You’re gone. The car is warming up and you don’t look at my face. 

I think you think I hate you. 

I don’t. I just don't know how to tell you the truth. Don’t fully understand moments of calm turned sour by the beating of my heart. The melody of it lulls by, emotions I can’t comprehend turn in my stomach. 

I love you and you only know that I can’t be around you. The yearning is a point of tension. The headlights of your car light up the darkness, and you leave, the sound of tires on gravel jolt me out of a milky haze. 

Is this a mistake? Should I confess? 

But then I think of her - your girlfriend. She’s beautiful, even I see it so poignantly that sometimes I can’t breathe in her presence. I used to do poly but now I don’t, it’s not for me and neither is it for you. 

The sound of your engine fades away and I’m still frozen. 

The emotions running through me feel unpleasant, but my conviction doesn’t waver. 

I just want you to be happy. 

She’s the love of your life and I’m going to leave soon. It’s only fair. 

I know I won’t see you again, but I don’t cry. I can’t. 

I’ll leave this small town as I do all small towns: wistful, but still yearning for a new adventure, and new people to make me feel something. 

I make tea and start packing my things. 

I try to burn the sound of you leaving out of my brain. I try to carve out the place you have in my heart with chamomile and cinnamon.

It doesn’t work but I know the road will reset me. It always does. 

Still, moments fly by and I wonder if and when the road won’t be enough to give me peace. 

Would your love do that? 

I shake my head at the thought. _Dangerous_. 

Can’t stop running now. 

I’ve sacrificed too much. Love might eventually be enough, but not this time. 

Only when my dragon sleeps, when I stop chasing, could it work out. 

And now, I know I haven’t even peaked. 

“How do you feel about me?” you asked over a week ago. 

I didn’t give you a straight answer and knowing both of us, we’ll both be grasping at straws to justify separation. Replaying memories to fit the narrative that will make us feel better. I wish I could give you more. 

But when you’re chasing, you can only give so much. 

Wish you could understand. 

You won’t. And that’s fine. I’m okay with being a memory because I’ll make you one as well. 

It’ll be perfect. You’ll see.


End file.
